literature

Australians Don't Float

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Gliding.

That’s what it felt like. That I was gliding under the waves, slowly pushing myself through, stroke after stroke. It was so quiet, just myself and my thoughts, not a care, nor a worry. Diving down and skimming along the bottom, I ran my hand along the smoothness of the floor.

I could stay down here forever. Get away from the dramas of life. Not deal with having to pay bills, or work, or even vacuum the carpet. Just drifting around. God, I don’t think I’d even have to breathe.

I decided that now would be a good time to swim around in circles, just for the fun of it. Doing donuts without a car, now that’s something you don’t hear of everyday. I had a fish that used to do the same; just swim around in circles. His name was Nut-job, like after a nut and bolt. To be honest, I think my dad named him. He didn’t last very long. I mean the fish, not my dad.

I’ve always grown up near here, used to go here every day when I was younger. Spent my days swimming around, either with friends or just by myself. I had a couple of friends with me at the moment, as well as my girlfriend. Mitch and Rob had gotten out for food, as they were wont to do, the other was somewhere, and Red, I honestly didn’t know. She was swimming with me before.

Living on the Gold Coast, I always spent half my time with friends. When I wasn’t working. My ‘job’, I could say, was a Content Creator for YouTube. I made enough to support myself, and it was a dream job for me. Spending hours on end in front of a computer screen was tiring as all hell, but hey, sacrifices-

OWW! I cursed inwardly at myself. I’d just smacked my head against the bottom, and realised that my head is apparently not as hard as my girlfriend said it was. Angling upwards, I pushed myself away from the ground. I looked around, trying to see if anyone was actually with me. I could barely see anything as it was, so not seeing a single silhouette wasn’t much of a surprise.

My breath started running thin, and I could feel tightening in my chest telling me I needed air. I certainly didn’t fancy the idea of suffocating myself, so I started up towards the surface, kicking and pulling myself along. For some reason, my hands couldn’t find the top, which was strange since I wasn’t that far down. Was I? I could feel the natural panic setting in from not being able to breathe; having already cleared my lungs. This wasn’t good. I had planned to die a nice, relaxed death, maybe in my sleep or something, but this was anything but. Giving one final push, I finally broke through, gasping, trying to fill the empty cavities that were my lungs. Bringing myself up straight, my feet hit the bottom, and I stood up, waves forming around my thighs. How on Earth did I almost die in this?

“You right there, Lachy?” Preston’s Texan accent sounded, causing me to look up. I gave him a thumbs up, putting my other hand on my waist, trying to level my breathing.

‘I think I almost suffocated myself.”

“How on Earth did you do that? You’re 6’5’ of Australian, from the Land of People with Decent Fitness,” Jerome’s witty American remark made me roll my eyes as I looked up.

“I don’t know, I thought I was going upwards!” I waded over towards them, “I didn’t realised I would almost drown!” Red looked over at me, eyebrows raised in an ‘unbelievable’ look she perfected years before I met her, according to Mitch.

“Lachlan. It’s a ball pit. You almost suffocated yourself in a ball pit.”
So this was the story I handed in for my English assessment. I think I nailed irony fairly on the head with this one. :P Enjoy!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Australians can actually float; we're rather proficient at it. XD
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DolphinsDraws's avatar
It's a ball put XD